The Bikini Police... they live inside of my head
When I rolled out of bed at 0600 this morning, the Bikini Police were nowhere to be seen as I jumped into the first swimming costume my sleep-affected rummaging uncovered. It was a bikini... no worries, think I. Pulling on my shorts and t-shirt, I didn't give the bikini a second thought. But later, as I walked on the beach, the bikini rode up my arse, a tad annoying that. Consolatorily I think,"Well, strictly speaking the bikini is not made for walking, the bikini is for swimming, oh and lounging... no worries."Yeah. I finished my walk at the pool and started my laps (after discreetly retrieving the bikini from my arse, I'm good like that). But, as I swam, the bikini rode up my arse, more than a tad annoying that.
I finished my swim and lay down on my towel, to dry off in the sunshine, and my bikini rode up my arse, what the fuck? So I had a think about the bikini and what was with it and my arse. My mind searched back over the last few years and came up with the summer of 2001 as the last time I had actually worn that bikini. And suddenly, the riding of the bikini up my arse made all the sense in the world. I may weigh the same as I did in 2001, but obviously my arse is still suffering the effects of growing 2 kids (okay, my body grew them, not my arse, obviously, but I'm too tired to make the grammar work) and/or eating approximately 2 tonnes of chocolate over the past 5 years...
Bikini Police I command thee, do not forsake me again!
posted by Callisto at
11/14/2006 11:43:00 PM
12 Comments:
i think we need to commission a study and get to the bottom of this.
first, we require more evidence.
Results will be made available at www.hotornot.com
Respectfully yours,
The Bikini Police
there is also the fact that bikinis are really not for actually doing anything in - just lying around in and - dare i say it, showing off your arse! i bought a really cute yellow polka dot bikini and when i wore it for the first time
- sorry i had to -
it went completely seethrough and saggy in the water. lovely for the beach. pish for actually swimming in.
Dear Bikini Police,
Ample opportunity will be found over summer to gather more evidence.
However, it is common knowledge that the law is an ass - I do hope that this does not constitute a conflict of interest.
MS: Yes, but not as much arse as I've been showing!
And I once had a bikini that actually washed off (the bottoms) in the first wave I body surfed on. Thank god I somehow managed not to lose them completely, as I would have been afraid to come out of the water ;)
Hahaha... you remided me of something my ex used to say to her daughter... (yep - had an EX life once too, don't we all - hang on - I'm sure we're yarned about this lol!)
She used to laugh at her (then 3yo) daughter and as a reminder say to her:
"... your bum's eating your knickers again, quick pull them out!"
Cracked (no pun intended ;-) ) me up everytime, cos the image this planted in my brainbox was a voracious knicker eating bottom - mad on it's intent to eat every undie it could ever come across!!!
That daughter is coming up to 18 years old now, hope she still smiles about the memory some... lol
Cheers C
Haha B, a friend of mine calls this hungry bum, which is childish and silly but funny all the same.
Hey... I still get a huge laugh out of childish and silly:
Think you wish fat fish!
Think you're wrong dugong! and...
Same Same Aeroplane!
sound bloody silly...
...some of the time!
;-) (oh woe betide my poor son!!!)
I call it hungry bum syndrome, too. Isn't that a prerequisite for Brazillian beach volleyball players?
Oh B, you know me, I didn't mean that childish and silly is bad, that would be like calling myself bad, now wouldn't it?
Cheers big ears!
Same goes big nose!
JL, definitely a pre-req as are brazillians for the Brazillians.
And that's just the bloke's team JL... let's not get into what's required of the Brazillian Women's Beach Volleyball team now - it sounds far too painful (to a bloke!) lol!
;-) Of course not C! And that's a WHOLE differnet type of BAD C... lol!
Well B, sometimes I can be a bit naughty.
now, this may be completely strange, but...
does the title of this come from a Cheap Trick song, by any chance?
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