Booty Camp

I just spotted an ad in my local rag for booty camp! At first I just laughed but, the more I read, the more I glanced at the perfect bum, abs and thighs depicted in the ad, the more I wanted to join up.

And so... I just joined up. Woo hoo.

Knickers + Felicity Kendall

Dear Arrivee,

Hello and welcome. For those of you on the hunt for Ms Felicity Kendall's undergarments, knickers, used or worn... all I have for you is this:


...sorry about that.

Note to self: eating brie and crackers at midnight may cause outbreaks of puerility.

Me and the Hoff sitting in a tree, R-I-C-K-E-T-Y spells rickety

I had not talked to my best friend for a couple of months as she had been working over the ditch, in New Sheepland. When she called me on her return, the first words out of her mouth were,

"Callisto, is that you? You sounded like a middle-aged woman!"

Oh my fucking God, does she need to rub it in? The last vestiges of my youth slip, slip, slipping away, I am so headed to Hoff territory... yeah right!

Earlier today I noticed The Violent Femmes will be playing about 100 meters from my domicile on Valentine's Day, I'm so going to be there, and I won't feel bad... because they are old too.

This is the dawning of the Age...

My stars for today from the SMH:

"The morning is the only time where there seems to be some positive energy floating around, so if there were things to do then that's the time to go for it. From midday onwards thinking becomes scattered and energy levels may drop. The chance of someone making a mountain out of a molehill exists and you should be at pains to let trivial things slide for the time being. You can always address them at another time if you see fit."

Wow, not only penetrating but spookily accurate... kind of. I am a morning person and I do tend to be a write-off after lunch, unless I don't eat lunch and then... well, you just don't want to be around. And the likelihood of someone (most likely suspect: me, myself, I) making a mountain out of a molehill on any given day, is fair to middling. But as for letting something slide, well that is really not in my nature, and great pain surely would ensue should I even attempt this.

All this time I've paid no heed to what I considered guesswork pulled from another human's arse. Yes, I thought it all a bit of a crock of steaming, tripey, poo. But now...

Emasculation

On my way for a morning swim early this morning, I passed a man carrying a baby in a baby pouch.
"What an awesome man, taking out the baby so his partner can sleep in," think I, so I flashed him one of those condescending, you-are-doing-a-top-job-there-mate smiles.
But, as I looked longer at the great-with-his-baby-man, I noticed his culottes, yes cu-bloody-lottes. My thoughts went from top-bloke to nancy-boy in a micro-second, (because I'm like that) and a giggle rose upward from my belly and escaped my lips before I could think to stop it.

Mr Nancy-boy actually scowled at me, but seriously dude, you were wearing CULOTTES!